Bad Mood

My love for slogan t-shirts is still going strong and they are the first thing I seem to be drawn to upon entering a shop at the moment. Last month, on a trip to Cabot Circus with Mum we popped in to Pull & Bear- one of our favourite places to browse for affordable basics and cool casual vibes and I happened upon one of the most me tees I have ever seen. Behold…

Tee: Pull & Bear | Jeans: H&M | Converse: Schuh (similar)

Looking back at these pictures “beholding” might not actually be that possible as I’ve kind of failed to capture the slogan but this perfectly oversized white tee states “bad mood” and handily serves as a warning for when people are best to avoid me.

I do my best to be chipper, really I do but sometimes life gets the better of me and I am prone to either a short temper which leaves me snapping at everyone over the smallest of things or I retreat in to myself completely and barely say a word. I’m putting it down to a mixture of hormones at various points in the month as well as the pressures of still not being in work, dealing with eating disorder recovery 24/7 and not sleeping brilliantly but it’s pretty handy to be able to at least warn people they might not quite get the reaction they are expecting from me.

This was actually a really hard outfit for me to photograph- aforementioned eating disorder recovery is taking it’s toll and the struggle with seeing changes in my body [of which I know are further grossly exaggerated in my head due to the nature of the beast] has left my body confidence at rock bottom. Still, it has to be done and I can’t go backwards so I’m determined to keep on wearing the things I want to wear and not give in to the urges to hide behind baggy dresses and jumpers all of the time- although of course they have their time and place!

It’s a hard journey and harder still when you can’t explain to anyone why after 15 years this still torments you. Why you’ve been signed off from work for almost a year knowing exactly what you need to do to get back there [which you want more than anything else] and yet still struggle so much to do it. Having spent the majority of last year firmly in denial this year has seen a renewed determination and slowly but surely progress is being made. It feels fast, it feels scary and I’m not even sure why I’m writing about it on the blog, other than to serve as a reminder to myself but the end result will be worth it and this time there IS no going back. I have plans, things I want to achieve and there is no room for anorexia to be my side kick.

Apologies for getting so deep and personal once again, it happens from time to time and I did say I wanted to bring a bit more “real life” to the blog.

I suppose I should also apologise for all of the random people I’ve snapped at over the last few months, well, mostly. Friends and family please accept my sincerest apologies. Random people I encounter on a daily basis who seem to make it their life mission to wind me up? I’m so not sorry!


5 comments for “Bad Mood

  1. Caro

    I’m so super proud of you, and every little gain is a gain more beautiful xxx

  2. I could do with one of these t-shirts! and may I say how delightful your converse are?
    No need to apologise for getting personal. What’s the point in having your own space on the internet if you can’t say what you’re thinking. I’m rooting for you, hoping for a swift and thorough recovery. Keep on keeping on, you can do this.

  3. Best top! So appropriate for many situations I can think of. On a more serious note I think it’s positive to be more personal on your blog and lots of us do it from time to time. It’s better to know the real you and I can relate to many of your thoughts.

  4. Your blog, your story! Don’t ever apologise. I don’t ever want to read some vacuous, shallow blog that never reveals the frailty of the human condition and what it is to face struggles. Believe you me, those are the blogs I take one glance at and then leave
    Ahrgh, I can’t actually see the slogan on my phone!!

  5. The tshirt looks lovely and that spot in the garden looks like a great place to sit on a spring dayI think your friends and family will understand. Keep moving forward and stay strong, hope things feel brighter for you very soon x