I remember quite vividly sitting down this time last year trying to recap on the past 12 months and simply finding it too overwhelming to fully do so. The same stands this year, perhaps even more than it did then. I started 2018 optimistic and full of hope; keen to see what adventures were on the horizon, but never daring to imagine that things would, or could be quite as different as they have turned out to be.
I thought that 2017 was the year of change and turning points, and in it’s own way it was, but in terms of achievements and conquering goals, 2018 has been the one.
Probably the most notable of these is passing my driving test. I took my first lesson on my 17th Birthday, and finally, 14 (and a bit years) later, after several failed attempts, I passed. It took a lot of courage to get back to driving lessons after several years off, I was more afraid than I dared show and pretty much had to start from scratch in terms of sitting my theory test and all that jazz. I booked a week off work, found myself a bloody brilliant instructor and told myself that no matter what I wouldn’t give up this time…but still, no one was more shocked than me when I passed my test on the first time of this wave, with just two minor faults. A few weeks later I welcomed my little black Toyota Aygo “Alphonsus” in to my life and haven’t looked back.
The other big change is that Bob and I are living together. We took on a tenancy on a house in October and have loved every second of the adventure, from the planning to the moving, from the dreams to the reality. We’ve just hosted Christmas Day and Boxing Day for the first time, welcoming in our families and friends and cooking up a storm. It couldn’t have been more perfect. Pablo has settled in well to having both of us as full time “parents”. He’s developed such a personality and attitude, he’s captured everyone’s hearts and keeps us firmly on our toes.
We’ve been so lucky in the help and support we’ve had with the move, and the circumstances around leaving my parents’ home could not have been more different, or more positive than last time.
There is of course, the usual update on my eating disorder recovery journey and I am delighted to say it’s all positive. I’m nearer to a healthy weight than I have been in some years, just a few kg to go. I’m becoming comfortable in my own skin and learning who I am as a person, and learning to love that person, there is so much freedom in not being defined by a label anymore and whilst it isn’t all plain sailing and I still have my wobbles I feel more stable and cemented in my recovery than I ever have before. I’m no longer in therapy, or under regular monitoring, I’m thriving in a full time job, cooking actual meals from scratch with Bob and embracing new situations like our first holiday abroad without having to plan the entire trip around my meal plan.
It hasn’t all been positive this year, unfortunately. Tragedy struck Bob’s family on my birthday and it made everyone stop and take stock of what was around them and realise life is just too short to spend worrying and that you cannot take anything for granted. It’s shown me inspiring strength and courage from those around me, and bought a lot of people closer together. It’s not fair to go in to the ins and outs of it all, but it would be an understatement to say it’s been a testing year for several people very close to my heart.
As 2018 creeps towards it’s final hours I’m taking a moment to take stock and be thankful for those who have supported me through all of these life changing events; my friends, my colleagues, my family- most importantly my parents who I appreciate more than I ever have before.
It’s been a year of mammoth changes and it does get more than a little bit overwhelming at times (I really don’t like change no matter how positive it is!) but mostly I feel lucky, so lucky to have had a chance to turn my life around, to not have given in a couple of years ago when things were dire, to have met Bob and fully embraced what the world has to offer.
There may be uncertain times ahead but I’m ready for them. I’d like to think things might calm down a little in 2019, but I remember thinking the very same thing about 2018 and oh boy was I proven wrong!
Happy New Year one and all, see you on the other side with some new (and hopefully, quite possibly) and improved content.
What are you most thankful for right now?
