Survival

Dress: Mango at ASOS
Boots: New Look
(not sure where the tights came from!)
I love this dress, I love it so much I wish I wore it more. I’d run out of plain black tights- well, ones without most of the feet missing so I paired it with polka dots and my cut out ankle boots for something a bit different on Tuesday.
The last few weeks have been tough. As many of you know I’m in recovery from anorexia and I’m now mentally further ahead than I’ve been in the entire 11 years of living with the disorder. I’d go as far as to say I’m not living with it any more, it’s living within me, creeping in when I least want it to but on the whole I’m free.
That said, things are a struggle. Coming to terms with a body that has recently become half a stone heavier (despite being delighted and proud of myself) and knowing I still have a stone to go to reach “healthy” and where I want to be is tough.
One the one hand I want it so badly I get frustrated that I’m not yet there, but on the other, dammit I’m terrified. I’ve only been there a couple of times in the last decade and in a much worse place mentally at those times so it’s fair to say my associations are less than positive.
This time round- the LAST time round things couldn’t be more different. I have Ben in my life. A job I adore. Brilliantly supportive family and friends and I’m happy. Happier than I’ve ever been, living the life of a normal 26 year old and no longer letting a fear of food rule me. I love food. I love life.
I know I can do this. I need to shake these blues.
Onwards and upwards from here on out.
Thank you for reading my ramblings.
It feels good to have written them down.
Happy Friday
xxx

12 comments for “Survival

  1. Vix

    You’ve come a long way, Laura. You are looking fantastic and I’m thrilled that you’ve got a good man worthy of you and a great job. xxx

  2. We all know you can do this, too. I think being in a place in your life that you’re really happy with (boy, job etc.) – it gives you something to really hold on to. If you think about all of the things you could potentially lose if you let the disorder back in – that might keep you even stronger. Love this outfit!

  3. with the right support and love around you, you can and will do this. I know each fight and battle is individual but they can be won with the right help, support and determination … you’ve got this xx
    ps love the dress, you make it look very elegant.

  4. Laura, you are doing so well and I for one are amazingly proud of how strong and determined you are. I’m so glad to hear you’re in a healthier place now πŸ™‚
    Also, those tights are awesome!

    Jess xo

  5. The fact that you’ve even written this down in a blog post is so encouraging and something to be so proud of πŸ™‚ you’ve come so far, you’ll get to where you want to be and Ben, your family and friends will be there, proud of you as ever, when you do πŸ™‚ it must be so tough, I can’t imagine how hard it is, but I know you can do it xx

  6. Hope everything is feeling bright very soon. You are definitely a very strong person and sounds like you are doing amazing with so much to look forward to! x

  7. I love this dress so so much! You’ve posted it before, right?

    Oh, eating disorders. They can go do one. You have done so so so so so well. There was honestly a point where I really didn’t think you would make it. I won’t go into it all to much here, as you are a different person now. A better person, a more positive person and I am so proud of you, and I feel like being somebody that has ‘known’ you from the start of all this, I can really justify it when I say ‘you are amazing’. Don’t forget that.

    Corinne x

  8. Stay positive, I know you can do it. You have come so far and have a lots of love and support even on your blog xxx

  9. So proud of you Laura. I know you can do it because you have come soo far and already proven yourself. You truly are an inspiration. Love you forever.

  10. it’s really good to hear everything is tip top with you dude!

  11. Liz

    You’ve done so well πŸ™‚ I get told every time that I have a ‘blip’ that recovery isn’t linear, and that it’s normal to have times when you feel like you’re going backwards, even though you’re generally doing really well. That doesn’t make it any easier to cope with when it happens though! You will do it though I’m sure, you seem like you’re in a really good place in general… Keep your eye on the prize!

    Take care lovely.

    Liz xx

  12. Hello hot stuff- the combo of dress and cut out boots is awesome, love it, and of course the dress is green, so instant winner for me.

    I hope the intervening days since this post have been upwards motion rather than down- making changes is super hard, but I have the strongest admiration for the fight you have in you, and however scary the latest round of changes that you’re making to your life, I know that you’ll get there. So much love you.