It feels strange putting up an outfit post right now, given the current situation (and also the fact that is over 20 degrees in the house and I’m currently wearing a pair of Bob’s shorts and a vest top). But here I am anyway, justifying to myself that the reason I am posting these now is that I’ve finally grown the balls to do so. These photos date back to February. I’ve been sat on them ever since because I hated how I look in them. But it’s not about me, it’s about the dreamy dress and ankle boots, about an outfit I felt happy in before I caught sight of myself and my face. So here we go- that polka dot dress that featured in a wish list post, and the most perfect ankle boots I have ever owned, snapped up for a bargain price in the Zara sale.

This post is also about trying to gain some normality in distinctly abnormal times. None of us thought, when we rolled in to 2020 that it would turn out like this, never in a million years.

And I consider myself lucky. I have the chance to leave my house every day during the week, to go to work in a GP surgery (despite the ever rising anxiety as I step out of the front door) where I work in a desk based role, making sure people get the prescriptions they need. And I’m not singing my own praises here, far from it. I am not one of the brave and courageous NHS workers that are being (rightly) applauded right now. I am there to support my incredible clinical colleagues as they make tough decisions and put themselves out there to make sure every patient that makes contact with us gets what they need. I get to feel the fresh air each morning, and each evening, and come home each night, a little stressed out but nothing more than that.

This whole situation is really good at making you take stock about what matters. What matters is that we come together, that we all do what we need to do to get through this. None of us know what we’re doing, but if we work together we can muddle along.

It’s sad, sad to not be able to spend time with my parents, or visit my Grandad who lives just around the corner, knowing he’s alone. It breaks my heart not to be able to travel to see my cousins and my aunt, give them a hug- which whilst would do nothing to heal the grief they are going through right now, having lost a great man to this virus, it would maybe bring the kind of comfort that only family can bring. It hurts not to be able to make a journey to see those that really need to be seen before it’s too late. Some rules were made to be broken, but some, like this lockdown, are not.

It puts my own battles in to a new kind of perspective. It doesn’t make them any easier to deal with, but it does make me realise how little they matter, how what they stand for and what my mind clings on to is so trivial. It fuels that fire to fight. When this is over I intend to live life with a new perspective; I suspect so many of us are. And in some funny way, writing this post, sharing these photos and this outfit…that’s the start of that.

This is not the post I had in my mind to write. I don’t even know what this is to be honest. Just a jumble of words that have been flowing through my brain, laid out to be read, to be judged, to maybe be related to.

Happy Easter weekend everyone. Stay in. Safe stay.