How gorgeous is the weather right now guys? I can’t help but feel cautiously optimistic that Spring has sprung, although having lived in this country for the best part of 32 years now I know it could all change by tea time.

I’ve been sat on these photos for a while, unsure if could bring myself to post them. I appear to have found myself in hyper self critical mode again, and when I’m not overthinking every inch of my body my thoughts have turned to facial expression, my hair, my everything.

So what’s finally made me do it? Well, to be honest I just wanted to post something that wasn’t a review and reflects what I’ve been wearing lately. I picked up this dress on ASOS a few weeks ago whilst on a desperate mission for some new work clothes; all of sudden it felt like everything I owned was too tight and that I had gone up three sizes overnight. Turns out that wasn’t the case, but it’s scary how I could physically feel a difference that wasn’t there. Eating disorder recovery isn’t all about re-discovering food and living happily ever after; even being so close to the finish line it’s amazing what anorexia can make you believe.

I ended up buying two dresses from the Vero Moda brand and I think they might be my new go-to. They both fitted exactly as I needed them too (skimming over my perceived bloated belly) whilst still looking smart- this poppy printed version can easily be dressed up for an evening too, and is perfect for this between seasons kind of dressing.

I’m currently signed off work for a week with a rather nasty flare of sciatica, the likes of which I haven’t had since pre back surgery. It’s not much fun and seems to have been made that much worse by the fact I’m bloody terrified that the enforced inactivity might make me balloon further.

I’m finding recovery almost impossible to fathom at the moment. I’ve come so far but I truly feel like overcoming these last hurdles might break me.
On the flip side to that, I’m using all of my mental and physical capacity to push on through; with the holiday of a lifetime coming up soon and so many exciting plans for after that I know I can’t afford to give up.

I’ll always be able to find new clothes, like this dress to flatter and conceal a body I am not yet used to and not quite ready to love. You can’t buy true health though, nor the things that achieving it will bring.

I have no idea where all of this mental overspill has come from, but hey, I have a new dress and I love it- admire away and feel free to have skipped the babble!