You’ve probably noticed an increase in sponsored posts/guest posts and general fillers lately. I apologise for that, it’s not what I am normally about, but right now I’m struggling to find motivation or enthusiasm for anything much (but at the same time I feel compelled to blog). Work is about the only thing giving me any sense of normality and it might seem odd to many that the death of my Nan has affected me (and all the family) so much, but then, quite simply no-one knew her like we did. I grew up living local to my Grandparents; and still do. I spent a lot of time with them and we were exceptionally close. This has been a real blow, and although I have not lost a parent like my Mum, my Aunt and Uncles, it almost feels as if I have (and I know my brother and cousins feel the same way).
I’m trying to get some kind of normality and routine back, slowly, surely. As a person who thrives on being in control I’m completely out of kilter with the days that blur by with no set feeling or routine. Add in to that a long standing history of depression and the ever-present battles with food, and I’m really just existing. I don’t know what is right or wrong in how I should be feeling; is this normal? does it end? I hate seeing my Mum hurting so much and feeling helpless towards doing anything to comfort her and my Grandad.
One thing that all this has shown me, is that once again the online community has really come through. Ignore anyone who says social media is ruining society, I have never felt more supported in my entire life.
This is a somewhat self indulgent “me me me” post that started out just as an apology for lazy blogging. There are a couple of events coming up; a trip to see family and a dear friend’s wedding (I managed an entire hour of her hen do *bad friend*) which I am actually looking forward to and I hope this is a sign of things to come.
I respect bloggers who put themselves out there in posts; and I’ve always tried to stay true to myself. Maybe I come across as pathetic or self indulgent, but just writing this post has proven cathartic and for that reason alone I am clicking publish.
Thank you
Normal service WILL resume
xxx
Stay strong girlie 🙂
Things ARE going to get better, and I respect that you wrote this. Do what you need to, it’s not pathetic at all.
Though, like you said, you had a very special relationship with her, a strong bond that is perhaps uncommon with grandparents, I know that one day you’ll be able to look back at it with joy instead of sadness. And though it sucks a whole lot that you feel like this, it is in fact a good sign as it shows you really had a good thing going there.
Anyway, I know there’s no magic cure, no instant solution that’ll suddenly make everything ok, but I wish you all the best and really appreciate you opening up to everyone here.
Good luck, girl!
I have to say that the only thing that will help is time. I really hope that you will be ok!
Virtual hugs!
Laura
whitewinters.blogspot.com
This post is in no way self indulgent or pathetic, it’s your blog which is meant to be about YOU and this is how YOU feel. I lost my grandad to cancer and although it doesn’t feel like it now it will get easier. There is no wrong way or right way to feel, however you need to grieve is the right way. Don’t worry about everyone else just do what you need to do to in order to feel better, and if that means posting about how you feel, go ahead 🙂 Hugs 🙂 xx
It’s your blog and if you want to be self indulgent (which you aren’t) then you can.
Take your time in getting there, your demons will slow you down. It’s life unfortunately, we all have demons somewhere. Just imagine your Nan and Flash fighting them off for you.
C
xxx
Take you time grieving, i lost my uncle recently and didnt do much other then spend it with people i cared about and could talk about him with. And although my blogging got put to one side, writing it whewn my heart wasnt in it would have been worse for me. Time is a great healer, take all the time you need for normal service to resume x
Do NOT feel guilty about not doing your usual blog posts; given how you’re feeling, it’s amazing that you are able to post at all. Besides, it’s your blog and it’s up to you what you put on it.
I think it’s really positive that you’ve been able to keep going to work and that you’re looking forward to the wedding.
I believe things will get better. You won’t stop missing your Nan, but the pain will become easier to deal with. You’ve come through so much, and you’re stronger than you think.
Take care xx
Keep strong, I know exactly how you’re feeling – both of my grandmas lived close to me and I saw them most weekends and it’s been horrible the last few months, trying to ensure my parents are okay, and myself too. I wish I could say that there’s some miracle that will help you stop being affected so much, but I can’t. I still miss my maternal grandma ridiculous amounts, 5 months on, and I really hope time is a healer. It does get easier, but everytime you’ll hear her name or see a photo for the next few months, your heart may twinge alot. Sorry for the essay, I honestly feel your pain, and much love to you xx
Stay strong Laura, your Nan would be so proud of how you’re dealing with this. Take as long as you need, everyone understands that blogging isn’t top of your priority list right now. However you’re feeling is totally, completely fine. Everyone deals with grief differently and it’s totally normal.
Keep strong, lovely <3
It is not self indulgent at all it is your blog about you, and this is a huge part of your life. I just wish there was something we could do or say but I know there isn’t, just know we are all keeping you in mind and would give you the biggest group hug if we could.
Kandi xx
This post is in no way self indulgent we all have issues and problems in our loves amd talking about it sometimes help.
I get really down depressive times and find it hard but writing on the blog helps me.
Take care
xx
Don’t ever feel like you have to justify your feeling sad, you lost someone you love and you’re entitled to feel depressed about that whether it be a parent, grandparent, spouse or beloved pet. I lost my Grandad 6 years ago and I still get sad about it, I went through a time in my life pretty much the same as you are and although I’ll never stop missing him things did get easier and I learnt to carry on and be strong.
So keep your chin up and stay strong because things do get easier over time xoxo
This post is in no way self indulgent we all have issues and problems in our lives and talking about it sometimes help.
I get really down depressive times and find it hard but writing on the blog helps me.
Take care
Take as long as you like Laura, it’s entirely up to you! I could’ve written the same thing about my grandmother, as an only child and the daughter of an early child I was exceptionally close to my grandma too, she lived really nearby and was like a second mum/babysitter rolled into one. It’s still odd to be without her 8 years on, but it does get easier. Big hugs to you and your fam xx
What a lovely post, I complete agree with the support you can gain from the online community. I know how tough it can be to do anything that feels remotely normal again when you have lost someone, I think because nothing ever feels normal with that gap in your life. All you can do is stay strong. Take care chick xxx
oh honey, there is absolutely nothing pathetic or self indulgent about this post. I am actually thinking how brave you are to be true to yourself and share these raw feelings with us. I wish so much and so often that I could do that too.
Don’t apologize for how/what you blog. Take your time to feel what you need to feel, and figure out what you need to figure out. Take comfort in knowing that a lot of people love you, including me.
Take care lovely xxxx
Laura you are such a brave person. I have always found that the people on this online community have the biggest hearts and I am so sorry to hear that you’re going through it still at the moment. Try and comfort yourself in the knowledge that we are always here for you. And don’t rush back to blogging, take time for yourself darling! xxx
*hugs* it must be so hard right now, but you are lucky to have one another to help get through this; my nan died this time last year, and my dad especially was devastated (and he’s a man that doesn’t really show his feelings) but the family (tried to) pulled through as best as they could, with the support of one another. I respond weirdly to death-I just distance myself from it, and it doesn’t feel real. I hope that you are managing to look after yourself Laura, with a little help from others. Sending lots of love xx
There’s never a need to apologise for grief.
I can tell you a few things though. Things do get better. It takes time, support, acceptance and lots of what you’re doing- trying to keep a routine, but it happens. One day you’ll realise that you’ve managed a whole day or a whole week without thinking I’ll just pop by to tell my loved one something, then remembering they’re not there. And that you’ve gotten through it without the crushing devastation of it. That you have accepted a tragic loss, that you can remember and be grateful for what you had, and understand that you can and will continue to live life and make that person proud, even in their absence.
There will always be someone here for you, no matter how long it takes or what you need. And that support is all the more here for you as you fight your own demons which make this grief so much harder.
It will take time and all you can do is be there for each other. x
🙁 I hope you start feeling more like yourself soon! Sometimes blog posts can be an outlet for feelings so it’s good that you’ve written this post, and at the end of the day it’s your blog so you can write what you like! 🙂
x
I’m so sorry to hear about your Nan. Take all the time you need. It’s horrible to lose someone you love, no matter the circumstances. Sending you positive wishes! xx
Huge hugs, stay strong xxx
I really admire you for putting yourself out there. I feel like I should more, as I know my battles with mental illness will possibly help some people, but since my own personal blog is relatively new I’m not ready to do that yet.
But bloggers like you are a real inspiration. Stay strong and you will get there.
Gems x
Fashion, Well Done
Pain and loss will always affect us. It’s because there is a small part of the eternal in us, so it seems against that when we find that people aren’t there eternally. You are allowed to grieve, for as long as needed. You will be fine but you need the time to grieve. Bless you lots Laura! x
I highly doubt that you have one single follower who has ever, or will ever, think that your blog posts have been, “pathetic or self indulgent”. If anything I think you are so strong and brilliant for even turning on your computer, and it’s great that you can still post the odd outfit post and wish list.
Please take your time, take it easy, and post as and when you fancy it. No one can understand how hard this is for you and your family, but we all love you and support you and look forward to a bit of sunshine in your lives. It’ll come, in time xxxx
I think great things always have an equally bad counterpart. There are truly horrible things said through social media but I will take that risk when there is so much good out there too! I am so sorry for you and your family’s pain and hope the hurt of your loss softens. Beautifully bittersweet post Love!
Love & Lollies… Jessa
Caked Vintage Blog
Sending many hugs your way. Take each day as it comes.
I hope you managed to enjoy some of the lovely sunny weather over the weekend and take the time to relax xxxxxx
You are so strong and she would be so proud of you. Don’t give up, we will all be here when you get back 🙂
Maria xxx
Just take your time! Things will get better eventually! I promise…speaking from experience! 🙂 x
you should just take as much time as you need and don’t worry about us we’ll still be here! Don’t feel any pressure to blog if you don’t want to xx
Hi sweetie. I just wanted to leave you a message to say that I’m here for you. I, too lost my grandmother recently (in late November) and even this morning did I shed some tears because I still miss her more than words can describe. Take care of yourself during this difficult time – you need to wrap yourself up in cotton wool for a bit. I, too have a long standing history of anorexia and depression and the thing that got me through those early, painful days, was to keep reminding myself of the things my grandma would have said to me if she could have been with me after her own death. She would have told me to look after myself, to not work too hard and not to worry about her. She would have dried my tears and said “Don’t be upset about me darling”. I’m sure your Nan would have wanted the same for you 🙂 Although it doesn’t feel like it at the moment, things will get easier as the weeks pass. Before long, you’ll be able to talk about your memories and laugh at the funny things your Nan used to do and say. Give yourself time to heal and know that I’m thinking of you. Love and hugs xoxo
You’re doing so well and I really admire you in so many ways.
Take all the time you need to feel normal again- I know it takes a long time- we’ll still be here avidly reading when you’re ready!
Love, Elizabeth xx
things will improve but that’s little consolation while things still feel so raw. It’s good that you have so much support. x
xxxxxx
Oh hun, I’m so sorry that you have been having such a difficult time of it all 🙁 Please know that even when I have been M.I.A. from the blog world, you have often crossed my mind.
It seems that you have had your share of troubles and I truly hope that things turn around for you and you find the comfort and happiness that you deserve.
Drop me a line any time you ever need an impartial ear to listen.
Sending you a warm hug.
xoxxxo Diana
my thoughts and prayers are with you <3
i hope you are doing okay, sending lots of hugs your way ; )
Lots of love and hugs. You aren’t coming across as anything but human. Everything you are feeling and talking about is perfectly normal – most people just choose not to share their feelings – which isn’t helpful for them or anyone else. Its great that you can and that as a result you can get the support which everyone needs when they suffer a loss. Well done 🙂 you’re doing amazingly in a tough time.
Lots and lots of love xoxo
You are neither pathetic or self –indulgent, sometimes life really is just one big blur and it throws at us the most difficult and horrible obstacles. It’s hard to see past the sadness, but one day something will happen that makes you realise there is some good left in the world to be had. The hurt and loss of your Nan will never go away, but over time you will heal, and be able to feel a sense of true happiness again. It’s not easy, but you will get through this. I really respect you for still managing to blog and always staying loyal to your followers xxx
Things will feel brighter soon, stay strong! My thoughts are with you during these difficult times.