I’m giving up on making promises of regular blog posts, whilst I still enjoy having and updating this space on the internet I have come to realise I don’t need it as much as I used to. Back when I started it, when I was in the deepest, darkest days of my life, through the rollercoaster few years right up until I met Bob this place was my link to the world, my place where I could be heard and connect with people. It got me through some really tough times and presented me with some amazing opportunities. I’m sad in some ways that I no longer have the time and headspace to keep up with daily, or even weekly posts, yet happy to be letting go, to finally be in that place where “real life” is enough. I’m not giving up completely, there is always going to be the regular features as well as hopefully some wedding related posts, and looking forward, hopefully some family ones too. Even if that wasn’t the case I think I’d be stepping back now anyway, the blogging world has changed beyond recognition and I no longer feel I have a place in the centre of it (and I’m 100% ok with that).

Life lately has been chaotic and confusing for everyone and I’m definitely feeling it more now than ever. During the peak of Covid-19 I was so frantically busy and exhausted from work that I didn’t really register how much life had changed for me- and actually, it didn’t really change that much. I worked 9-5, shopped for essentials when I had to, so whilst I did have lockdown to contend with and the isolation from friends and loved ones I did at least have routine.

As restrictions ease I find it’s hitting me more now. Work has slowed right down. We can go about our daily business with a little more freedom. I’ve been on a socially distanced picnic with friends, I can see my family, I’ve had my nails done with hair to follow and Bob and I are planning a camping trip in a couple of weeks. With all of this has come a greater feeling of unease. Is this the right thing? Should I be going out/away. Do I really need to leave the house? I’m making the most of the freedom but it isn’t half causing some conflict!

Conflict aside, I’m happy. Ridiculously happy in a way I thought I never could be. I’m the healthiest mentally and physically that I have been in my entire adult life. I’m planning my wedding to my absolute soul mate (432 days to go!) and I have a job I enjoy, a roof over my head and an all round happy and contended and comfortable life- for which I am eternally grateful.

I’m not sure what the point of this post is other than to share some photos of a pretty dress, our somewhat more up together garden (like many, lockdown has given us a drive to take pride in our garden!) and explain, largely to myself why I find myself blogging less and less. I still want to do it, but on my terms with no pressure. I already feel more at ease with it all having written this post, so despite being a disjointed tangle of words it has served some kind of purpose.