Category Archives: life stuff

Hit Refresh

16th February 2019
Is there anything better than a fresh hair colour to pull you out of a funk? Finding this perfect red shade via my local hairdresser a couple of years ago marked a real turning point for me; it became the shade that signified re-finding my confidence after a hellish few years, and getting back out there in to the real world and embracing recovery with everything I had.

Last weekend, determined to pull me out of my January blues, Bob packed me off to the salon (he kinda owed me after telling me he’d never seen me with so many grey hairs) and I came home re-vitalised and ready to plough on through these last few kilos of weight restoration and turn my life in to something even more fulfilling than it already is.

I picked this dress up in the & other stories sale after Christmas. Still an extravagant purchase for me, but I couldn’t leave it behind. It’s exactly the kind of thing the true me loves to wear, and being all floaty and forgiving it’s perfect for those all too frequent days where body image isn’t my best friend.
And so far this refresh is working, it’s not easy, in fact this is probably the hardest phase of recovery from an eating disorder. My BMI is no longer wedged far down in to the underweight category, and arguably I don’t look underweight in the slightest. I live in silent fear of being judged for my decision to add another 5kg to my frame despite knowing I’m doing it to enable all the things I still want to achieve to happen.

Time is ticking and I know that if I want to start a family, if I want to live the rest of my life in a world where I don’t count every calorie or scrutinise every menu within an inch of it’s life I need to do this. And what’s shameful about wanting to be the best version of myself I can possibly be? What’s so wrong about wanting to have a healthy figure that has the energy and strength to start running again, or embrace the great outdoors and go on long hikes or bike rides with my boyfriend or my friends and family?

I couldn’t resist adding in this picture of Pablo and I, taken in one of his rare co-operative moments. It’s hard to believe he ever fitted in to the palm of my hand, or nestled in to my neck when we first met him at 8 weeks old. He’s a right little character who keeps us on our toes- he’s obsessed with foil, meows relentlessly at the fridge for slices of cooked chicken, he’s destroyed every toy we’ve bought him and makes our living room look like a toddler tornado has run through it. But he’s the sweetest, most sociable little creature and yet another addition to my life that simply wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t hit refresh two and a half years ago.

Posted in dresses, fashion, life, life stuff, lifestyle, outfits, personal style, recovery

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Surviving January

15th January 2019
Whichever way you look at it, January is a pretty shit month. The festive anticipation of Christmas is long past, we’re all skint, all bloated and the days are long, grey and pretty miserable. I’ve never really noticed myself suffering from “January Blues” though, not until this year and even then I wasn’t acutely aware of it until I broke down in tears in the middle of taking these photos; which primarily were to show off my awesome new Dr Martens that Bob bought me for Christmas.

Jumper: Pull&Bear (similar) | Jeans: Joy | Boots: Dr Martens (still in stock in a couple of sizes at Footasylum)

So what triggered this melt down? Well, turns out being in recovery from anorexia, being so close to your goal but still a few kilos away, struggling massively with body image but naively in a bubble of “I’m fixed now” is really fucking tough when every one around you is talking about how much weight they want to lose, what diet they are on and which foods they are avoiding like the plague.

I’m not usually one to be affected by this kind of chat, so I was genuinely taken aback by just how rubbish it was making me feel. My body image has been precarious for a while. My perception of the need to gain further weight is skewed out of all recognition. I’ve been dragging my feet, lulled in to a false sense of security and honestly thought I was invisible to everything.

Turns out I’m not. I’m human, and being human is hard sometimes.

Add in to the mix the general dip in mood that most of the country is probably feeling right now and it’s really no wonder I had a rare shedding of tears. I’m not a crier by nature. I hate showing vulnerability or that I can’t cope with a situation, but that Saturday morning I sat on the living room floor and poured my heart out to a somewhat baffled looking Bob.

Bob, my rock and voice of reason. Between him and I we started to pick up the pieces (with a little help from my Mum) and slowly but surely we are getting back to some form of reality. I’m trying to treat this as a wake up call, that I’m not as fixed as I perhaps thought I was. That I have been dragging my feet. That I do need to keep up this journey. That I should stop obsessing over what other people might be thinking about me, my weight and my business and grit my teeth, pile up my plate and keep trucking towards the weight, and health that is right for me…I’m on my own kind of January diet and mission to get healthy and I can’t let fear of judgement put me off.

It’s all still very up and down, one minute I am feeling brave and strong and empowered, the next I’m in tears again or snapping at those around me because my head is just spinning with thoughts and I can’t stop it. I’m one of life’s over thinkers and planners and we’ve a few things on the horizon that are out of my control and my head is struggling to cope.

It’s taken me ten days to even get around to thinking about writing this post. Encouraged by Bob not to sugar coat and just talk about my shoes (which are amazing, right? Boy has good taste!) I’ve shared a lot of my personal life in the past, but these days not to much. Again, fear and overthinking stops my honesty and that isn’t right. If people don’t want to see this side of life then they don’t have to read my blog, but actually, the process of writing this post has been therapeutic for me and that in itself makes it worthwhile.
I’m not entirely sure how to round this up. I have no profound statement, nor have I reached any stunning conclusion. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring in terms of motivation or ability, all I know is that I have come this far, my life has changed beyond all recognition, and it’s ok to find that hard sometimes, to struggle to adjust and comprehend both what lies behind me, and all that is still ahead.

Even as I write this I’m considering whether to press publish or not. I think I will because this is me right now, and this blog can serve as a reminder of how it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. Tear stained photos that I kind of hate, messy hair, scruffy outfit. That’s how my January looks right now.

Maybe there will be most posts like this in 2019, maybe there won’t. For now I’m ending with a link to this article which may help or resonate anyone else recovering from an eating disorder whilst surrounded by January’s diet culture.

I think I’ll end with an apology for this big massive non-sensical brain dump. I have big plans for the blog this year, to be commenced once I pull myself out of this pit.

Posted in life stuff, lifestyle, recovery

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The Year of Even More Change

31st December 2018
I remember quite vividly sitting down this time last year trying to recap on the past 12 months and simply finding it too overwhelming to fully do so. The same stands this year, perhaps even more than it did then. I started 2018 optimistic and full of hope; keen to see what adventures were on the horizon, but never daring to imagine that things would, or could be quite as different as they have turned out to be.

I thought that 2017 was the year of change and turning points, and in it’s own way it was, but in terms of achievements and conquering goals, 2018 has been the one.

Probably the most notable of these is passing my driving test. I took my first lesson on my 17th Birthday, and finally, 14 (and a bit years) later, after several failed attempts, I passed. It took a lot of courage to get back to driving lessons after several years off, I was more afraid than I dared show and pretty much had to start from scratch in terms of sitting my theory test and all that jazz. I booked a week off work, found myself a bloody brilliant instructor and told myself that no matter what I wouldn’t give up this time…but still, no one was more shocked than me when I passed my test on the first time of this wave, with just two minor faults. A few weeks later I welcomed my little black Toyota Aygo “Alphonsus” in to my life and haven’t looked back.

The other big change is that Bob and I are living together. We took on a tenancy on a house in October and have loved every second of the adventure, from the planning to the moving, from the dreams to the reality. We’ve just hosted Christmas Day and Boxing Day for the first time, welcoming in our families and friends and cooking up a storm. It couldn’t have been more perfect. Pablo has settled in well to having both of us as full time “parents”. He’s developed such a personality and attitude, he’s captured everyone’s hearts and keeps us firmly on our toes.
We’ve been so lucky in the help and support we’ve had with the move, and the circumstances around leaving my parents’ home could not have been more different, or more positive than last time.
There is of course, the usual update on my eating disorder recovery journey and I am delighted to say it’s all positive. I’m nearer to a healthy weight than I have been in some years, just a few kg to go. I’m becoming comfortable in my own skin and learning who I am as a person, and learning to love that person, there is so much freedom in not being defined by a label anymore and whilst it isn’t all plain sailing and I still have my wobbles I feel more stable and cemented in my recovery than I ever have before. I’m no longer in therapy, or under regular monitoring, I’m thriving in a full time job, cooking actual meals from scratch with Bob and embracing new situations like our first holiday abroad without having to plan the entire trip around my meal plan.

It hasn’t all been positive this year, unfortunately. Tragedy struck Bob’s family on my birthday and it made everyone stop and take stock of what was around them and realise life is just too short to spend worrying and that you cannot take anything for granted. It’s shown me inspiring strength and courage from those around me, and bought a lot of people closer together. It’s not fair to go in to the ins and outs of it all, but it would be an understatement to say it’s been a testing year for several people very close to my heart.

As 2018 creeps towards it’s final hours I’m taking a moment to take stock and be thankful for those who have supported me through all of these life changing events; my friends, my colleagues, my family- most importantly my parents who I appreciate more than I ever have before.

It’s been a year of mammoth changes and it does get more than a little bit overwhelming at times (I really don’t like change no matter how positive it is!) but mostly I feel lucky, so lucky to have had a chance to turn my life around, to not have given in a couple of years ago when things were dire, to have met Bob and fully embraced what the world has to offer.

There may be uncertain times ahead but I’m ready for them. I’d like to think things might calm down a little in 2019, but I remember thinking the very same thing about 2018 and oh boy was I proven wrong!

Happy New Year one and all, see you on the other side with some new (and hopefully, quite possibly) and improved content.

What are you most thankful for right now?

Posted in family, life, life stuff, lifestyle

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Caring for your car this winter*

29th November 2018
I think this is probably the first motoring related post I’ve written where I’ve actually owned my own car,
The novelty of having passed my test and purchasing my first car hasn’t quite worn off yet- I stil get a kick when I see my little Aygo parked outside the house and I’ve become quite attached “Alphonsus” so it’s only natural I want to take the best care of him as I possibly can (notably also for the financial implication too).
With the colder weather coming I’ve been looking in to how best to make sure my car survives the season and I’ve popped together a post of some basic checks to keep myself, and hopefully anyone else reading this post safely on the road.
Car care tips for winter:

Check your coolant levels: If we get another “beast from the East” this year then you run the risk of a cracked or frozen engine which sounds horrendously expensive to repair. On the other hand, anti-freeze is pretty affordable and a 50/50 mix of anti-freeze and water will see you through the winter months.

Check your tyres: For winter driving it’s recommended you have a minimum of 3mm tread depth. It’s worth considering winter tyres which are designed specifically for snow and ice- given that we got pretty much snowed in last winter I’m thinking these might be handy!

Check your battery: Your car battery has to work harder in cold weather, get it checked/replaced at the first signs of a struggle to avoid getting stranded.

Stock up on de-icer: It sounds simple but you really don’t want to be caught out by a frosted wind screen. After spending a good 15 minutes scraping my car the other day I promptly popped to the pound shop and picked up a couple of cans!

Inspect your lights: Winter visibility is notoriously poor so it’s important you make sure all of your bulbs are functioning and that you keep your lights free of snow and ice before setting off.

Don’t neglect your AC! It sounds counter-intuitive but you still need to run your air-con in winter; it is made of parts that are designed to move. Leaving it off for several months could cause it to seize. Running it regularly also helps keep your car dry and damp free- and can reduce steamed up windows too. Pop in for advice and a service from Car air conditioning service in Essex from experts at Jet Wheel (or other local experts)

Have you ever been caught out by the cold weather?

Posted in information alert, life stuff

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Statement Made

11th November 2018

Anyone who has read my blog for any length of time knows I have a magpie like obsession with jewellery and love to feature brands- especially independents who create gorgeously unique pieces, as much as I possibly can.

Today I bring you a new discovery of mine, Statement Made Jewellery, who very kindly popped a piece from their collection in to the post to me. In fact, it was the first piece of blogger related mail I have received in my new home, and this is also the first set of outfit photos I’ve taken in our new garden.

Anyway, Statement Made Jewellery specialise in handpicked pieces with a personal touch. Wanting their collections to reflect the uniqueness of their customers- helping them tell the world exactly who they are; 100% an ethos I can get behind!

Necklace c/o Statement Made Jewellery

I love this crystal ball style necklace, with it’s cute little “L” charm to boot. It’s already attracted a lot of attention, and has been getting a lot of wear in the few short weeks I’ve had it. It’s such a simple piece, and so perfectly me, below is an example of how I’ve been wearing it, and what my personal style is looking like right now.

Jumper: https://www.newlook.com/uk/womens/clothing/knitwear/orange-and-red-stripe-metallic-button-front-top/p/600267780?comp=Browse | Pink Cords: Primark (similar) | Boots: Miista

I feel surprisingly nervous about posting these photos, I feel like it has been so long since I last shared my personal style, and I’m very conscious of how much my body has changed in recent months, and that it still has some changing left to do. That being said, I’m also trying to ignore the gremlins that reside in my head and get back in to doing what my blog used to primarily be about- and that was documenting my outfits. Our new garden happens to have the perfect platform for taking photos which I am hoping will spur me on, and I’m starting to get back in to dressing how the real Laura always used to dress before self consciousness took over.

Apparently I’m loving a bit of pink right now, I don’t think I’ve every worn so much of one colour in a single outfit before! The jumper I picked up when New Look at 25% off knit wear, and the cords were a ridiculously low price from Primark a couple of months back. Balanced out with my two toned Miista boots which really need to get worn a lot more than they currently do, and of course, my new favourite Statement Made Accessory.

There’s so much I want on the Statement Made Jewellery website, and so many great gift ideas too! I can quite smugly say I am almost done with my Christmas shopping, but there’s always room for one or two more treats for my favourite people and I know exactly where they are coming from.
(There’s also room for one or two treats for me too, and some serious hint dropping).

I’ll leave this post here before I lose my nerve, but a big thank you to Statement Made Jewellery for the necklace- take a look at your site and let me know your favourites in the comments!

Posted in brands I love, fashion, jewellery, life stuff, personal style

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